1.23.2006

random venting

I hate being bummed out, even though I realize it will pass, it still sucks.
School has started.
I love school, but it comes with its shitty points too.
Spending 400 bucks on books,
loans being less than I thought,
(there goes that whole car idea...)
a general feeling of not being on top of things like I should be,
the accrual of more debt,
and of course,
the knowledge that my social life is going to be severely limited.
Not that I have much of a social life anyway.

Another shitty thing too is that my roomate is moving out,
not only do I have no one to take the room,
but I will miss her.

I think a big part of what is bummming me out is that I feel kinda lonely.
I know a lot of people,
but hang around very few.
There is always some party going on,
and I suppose I could go to some and meet more people,
but I am such a moron when it comes to social situations.
People seem to talk in a language that I don't comprehend.
Lots of times they are referencing a TV show or movie I haven't seen,
and it makes me feel stupid.
People rarely get my humor.
Maybe I should start watching television or something.
Do I really live in a world where the key to wit is cable?
Guess I am screwed then.
Fuck it.

Maybe I am just getting old.

Yep, thats it. I am old.
Gimma a week and I will have blue hair,
90 cats,
and forget where I put the keys to the car I don't have.

Interesting how when you are feeling crappy your mind turns to age.
I am certainly not where I expected to be.
In school we had to write a story about what we would be like in 10 years.
I said that I would be a award winning journalist in Austin with a big family.
So much for that.
At least I am in Austin I guess.

At 27, I am still trying to get an associates degree,
living paycheck to paycheck,
taking the bus to work,
blah, blah, blah.
.

Ok, sorry.
I will cease the lametastic pity party.
There are really cool things in my life.
(if you know me at all, then you know lists cheer me up...)
1. My myspace song thingy works again. Guess Tom read my last post.
2. I (think) I have finally mastered my new CD burner, and I need stuff to burn. May I borrow your CD case for a night?? Pretty please????
3. School does bring a much needed break from, well... break.
4. I have completed and submitted my app for UT, and I am already drumming my fingers for a response.
5. As every blue girl loves to do, I got my hair fixed up all purdy.
6. And naturally, bought new shoes.
7. Groceries always make me happy. I made homemade Mac'n' cheese, you know, the kind without the powdered cheese?
8. I am so thankful for the warm weather this winter, If I was in PA, I would be shooting people by now. That pesky seasonal affective disorder and all.
9. After 6 years in the south, I have (obviously) managed to maintain my sarcasm. Its been an uphill battle, folks.
10. And the # 10 on this top ten list, (#10 should always be the best one, since it is better to have ten than one) I like my job. A lot.
11. I can still think of more than ten things that me happy.

Ok I feel better now.