Hello all (two of you)...
How have things been?
My life has been insane as usual...
Strangely enough, I am still seeing the guy from my last post.
Ok well, seeing may not be the best way to describe it.
Let me explain...
My boy, let's call him ummmm, oh fuck it, I'll just stick to "my boy."
MB lives on the north side of town,
I am southside.
Neither of us own vehicular transportation,
and my schedule is completely nuts.
I work nights at hell, I mean, uh, my job, Thurs-Sat,
and sometimes Sunday when they want to torture me.
I attend school from 12-4 on Mon and Wed,
He works 3 days on, doubles, (generally Wed- Sat.) and has 4 days off.
Basically this leaves (sometimes) Sunday, Monday eve, and Tuesday.
These are the only viable times to do homework, and I have a shit ton of it.
The bus ride from our houses runs 40-50 minutes long, and stops running early.
I can go there, and try to study,
but it is close to impossible since the TV is always on,
there are random parties thrown,
and a bunch of boys, being boys.
He can come here, but is usually bored stupid,
because I have no cable, no game system, and I am well, studying.
Plus I find it hard to get any homework done when the object of my affections is
actually IN my presence.
How in the hell,
am I supposed to make this happen without something missing the attention deserved?
Lately everytime we see eachother, we end off fighting because we never see eachother.
It would be easy to spend Monday eve, and leave sometime Tuesday,
but since my roomie literally lives up her BF's ass,
there is no one here to let the furface out.
So he is feeling I don't make enough effort,
and I am feeling like he hates being at my house.
It is a cycle of me feeling lonely, and when that happens other things suffer:
On the upside I am buying a scooter,
which may help or hinder the issue.
It will still take me as long to get to his house as the bus.
(we are talking like 30 mph here people.)
It is too small to carry a passenger,
and it still doesn't solve the problem of who who will let the dog out.
(add in the requisite whoot, whoot, whoot
The upside is I will be able to come and go regardless of the bus schedule,
as long as I am not drinking.
(This one worries me a bit.)
And I can go by and see him at work on Wed eve, just to keep the romance rolling.
Why does everything have to be so complicated?
Last time we hung out was enforced by our friends.
They came all the fucking way down here to get me,
went and picked him up at work,
and we finally met up together at a bar close to his house.
There were inherent flaws in this, that I saw coming.
1) I just came from a video shoot where drinking was mandatory. (so I was already pretty up there)
2.) He was just getting off his 3rd double in a row.
3.) We hadn't seen eachother in a while, because of some depression issues an both our parts.
3a.) we hadn't really been communicating about what was going on in our heads.
4.) I had no way home, unless I took the bus the next day, and I had to be at work at three.
4a.) Cabs are really fucking expensive. (thanks Apathy for the offer but I couln't take it.)
So what happens?
My drunk ass decides that NOW is the time to try and sort out what's been (not) going on between us lately.
His tired, drunk ass gets defensive,
and reiterates that "why do we always have to hang out at your house?" thing.
And then he says something about how If I wasn't so fucking worried about my dog,
I could be there at his will.
That pissed me off.
At 4 something in the morning on the eastside.
Tried to call my roomie, hoping she may be still awake.
Ironically enough she actually IS at the house.
At this point, I am a few blocks from MB's house,
and am too upset to go back.
So I take a long cab ride home in misery.
I try to call him the next day, phone's out.
So I borrowed my roomie's car, sans permission, which I probably wouldn't have gotten,
and drive over there Sunday.
We have made nice, I promised to not try and talk important shit after drinking,
He promised to not allow me to leave angry in the middle of the night.
We realized that we get PMSy around the same time,
and my first inclination is to go towards the one I love,
and his first inclination is retreat from everything.
So we say our sorries, and hug for a time realizing we almost gave up.
Although the problems aren't really solved, are they?