5.29.2005

dang

dang

Hey folks just wanted to drop a line and let you know that my phone is
out this weekend. Not becasue I haven't paid the bill (believe it or
not) but because I haven't updated my address, and according to my
phone company it makes perfect sense to cut off service without
warning on a holiday weekend for this reason, even though I don't get
a bill, I view them online.
Even crappier is that said genius phone company is closed on said
holiday weekend. So now I gotta wait til god knows when.
Still crappier is that the AC in la casa has taken a shit, and the AC
guy is also on holiday- unless he tried to call me back, in which case
I wouldn't have gotten the call anyway.
Just further proof that my life is defined by irony.
So help me out, and shoot me an email to keep me entertained as I
sweat to death in my own house.

Please

riday, May 13, 2005


Current mood: other

Save me from this blankness,
This loneliness,
This nothing.

Paint the white walls of my soul
Scrape the flaking black from my heart,
And dabble your brush on a new canvas.

Laugh at me when I cry,
Hold me when I fear,
Love me when I love.

Scribble across my thoughts
Remind me of optimism,
Tell me the stories of your dreams.

Challenge my conceptions,
Tear off my perceptions,
Make reality questionable.

Question me.
Give me a query worth a reply,
Offer me a reason to believe in the unconditional

Don’t listen to me,
Feel me, know me,
Tell me there is someone there.

Heal these wounds I carry,
Make love like a syringe,
And pull me all the way out.

Tell me with certainty,
That I am wrong,
And it is all-really worth it.

Currently listening:
Mr. Brightside, Pt. 1 [Canada]
By The Killers
Release date: By 07 December, 2004

5.15.2005

Leave your backdoor open, and the strays will come in

Current mood: fuck off

What the fuck am I doing online at 3:13 am?
Damn good question...

I missed another show tonight that I really wanted to see.
Sorry Shrapnel, next weekend, I am there.

I realize that not only is my new job NOT fun,
I hate it deep within the depths of my soul.
If there is anything in this world I can count on, it's irony.

I haven't ever figured out the motivating factor,
for humans to be assholes to one another.
I mean really.
It's called evolution, try it sometime.
Austin is plauged with a disease that I like to call "too-cool-for-you."
For an example, you walk into the local movie rental place,
and the chick at the counter is too busy being cool to take your money.
I deal with this every damn day.
And now I get to deal with it at work. yay!!
Yes, honey.
You are the coolest, most unique,
composition of flesh and genetic material that has EVER EXISTED in the fucking span of all time.
There. I have paid homage to your greatness.
Now can you possibly turn your jaded cool ocular orbs on the movie I want to check out
so I can return to my, like, totally lame life?
Thanks, yeah.
In return I will glady ignore your tipjar.
(A tipjar at a rental place?? who are we kidding here?)
As I stumble in a decidedly uncool way out of your radar,
feel free to shake your head at my un-hipness.

The thing is, it is nice to feel cool.
Don't lie, everyone wants to pretend that they are original,
everyone would like to believe that they are envied for some reason.

Trust me, if you are guilty of throwing Nietchsze in irrelevant conversation
in order to make yourself sound intelligent,
or if you complain that as soon as you start wearing something,
everyone else does too!
(you trendsetter you!)
or, Jesus, you are so "indie" that it hurts to look at you, for Christ's sake,
then you know who you are.
Give me a fucking break.

The only possible way to be cool, is to be real.
Really, it ain't so hard.
Maybe it is because I am gettin on in my years-
but I tend to think the people that look
"cool"
have desperation written all over them.
Is it just me?


Other things new with me:

My metabolism seems to have come to a halt.
(oh god! not junk in the trunk!!)
Fuck it, all I need is a good 48 hour flu to be 10 lbs lighter.

I think I may need a vacation from the drunken debauchery that has become my life. Maybe a trip to PA.
Or,
fuck it,
Maui.

Some firings have taken place since my last confession,
no, I don't feel like Donny Trump, I feel bummed.
Fuck that too.
We girls gotta look out for numero uno, si?

Now that the barrage of tests and homework have ceased,
I am bored again.
Not a real shocker there, I know.

I have about a month and half til I turn 27.
Uhhhh, I mean, until I have my third annual 25th birthday,
and I need to make plans...
Anyone know of anything fun going on 'round the 4th?

And to end this post in the most random fashion ever...
I was typing this when something caught my eye.
I looked up, and in my kitchen is a little black kitten.
Just looking straight at me, not moving.
Furface is sleeping,
otherwise this might be a funny account of the age old cat/dog thing.
Instead this serves as a fucked up title.
Kudos to those who gets my ambiguity.

Awww, cute and feral.
Just how I like 'em.
(Damnit.)

Currently listening:
Beverly Hills Pt.1
By Weezer
Release

5.12.2005

have I mentioned?

Current mood: annoyed

how I am a poster child for doing stupid things?
Just ply me with a few drinks and wait...
I am sure to do something stupid for your amusement.
The little person in my brain bangs her head on the steering wheel, saying,
"Here we go again."
And then I spend the next few days bemoaning my idiocy,
and then go take a few shots to induce selective amnesia,
and yep, you guessed it, I will probably manage to do some more stupid shit.
Never a dull moment folks!

Oh well, fuck it.
What do you need dignity for anyway?
I guess so you can spend a week kicking yourself in the ass.
I am better off without it.

Another weekend almost here, another week gone by.
I still haven't written that book,
or won the lottery,
or came up with that invention,
or got a shot in the dark,
or found that fabulous job.

I remember this place.
I have been here so many times before.
This is where you say, "well, at least it can't get much worse,"
and then, inevitably and inexplicably, it does.
Fuck!

Currently listening:
Paranoid
By Black Sabbath
Release date: By 25 October, 199

5.04.2005

ranting as usual

rambling and ranting, the usual
Current mood: blah

Welcome one and all to three in the morning.
I have not one, not two, but THREE finals tomorrow.
Then its over.
For now.
And of course in die-hard insomniac fashion, I can't sleep.
Fuck it.
My brain is fried from studying,
I can't think about probablility,
the legislature,
or plate techtonics anyfuckingmore tonight.
I have done all the prep I can do, it is now out of my hands.
Wish me luck, and all that shit that you won't bother to do anyway.

I ventured out last night and saw this band called Opaque.
They were playing at 710, one of my favorite spots.
Their set was really short, but very tight.
If you like tool with a pinch of NIN, than you'd like these guys.
What sucks about 710 is the acoustics, and the quarter size stage.
Every show I see there, the music drowns the vocals,
and the band looks like they fear falling off stage by moving around too much,
and it was no exception the other night.
But from what I could hear, this band has their shit together.
The last song they played was pretty damn sweet,
(I don't know the name since there was little audience interaction...)
Check 'em out, they are myspace addicts like the rest of us,
I am just to lazy to link to them right now.

Other than that, life has been pretty dull lately.
I could really use a massage,
(no, not the "excuse-to-cop-a-feel-massage" a real one.)
and someone to clean my house,
wash the dog,
fix my bike, mow the lawn, etc.
My roomie's boy was nice enough to fix the light in my room.
Yay!
Roomie says "see, this is why you need a boyfriend."
I say, "no, this is why I need a maintenance man."

It was nice to see her though.
Even though we live together she is never here for longer than an hour.
I was getting to the point where I was feeling like she was no longer a friend,
simply because we never hang out.
But, she is doing her thing, and I am doing mine, and life goes on.
She lives vicariously through the stories I tell her about dates I went on,
the strange emails I get,
the literally fucked up phone calls in the middle of the night,
the random bizarre situations I manage to get myself into,
and laughs at me when I get my excited about someone.
She knows how I am.

If someone I am dating acts in a way that I wouldn't accept from my friends,
then he or she is "fired."
(It makes sense really. If I would be bummed if my friend did it,
then why would it be forgivable from anyone else?)
So I like to tell her the situation,
and ask her if she thinks that the offense is grounds for termination,
or just a verbal warning.
So far, she has liberal in telling me to hand out pink slips,
and I tend to agree...

I have had that kind of luck lately.
I went to lunch with dude who I have hung out with for two, three months now.
For some unknown reason he decided to tell me that he prefers larger women,
and that I could use a little more "junk in the trunk."
Sure dude. I will get right on that.
It is not as if I lost any weight since we met,
so if I'm not zaftig enough to turn him on, why approach me in the first place??
Needless to say he has been fired,
but I feel no ill will, and wish him luck finding what he is looking for.

My Human Resourses department,
(Roomie)
also feels that the couple of rocker boys out there that always say they wanna hang, and then don't...
should also be fired, or at the very least, demoted.
I fight the good fight,
and say "they're busy, I'm busy, it works out."
To which she replies, "yeah, busy fucking with your head."
Girl has a point.

This is why I need more female friends.

For the time being, I guess I will have to screen new applicants.
The pay sucks, but the benefits are worth it.

Currently listening:
Battle of Los Angeles
By Rage Against the Machine
Release date: By 02 November, 1999