8.25.2004

take mercy!

i am really starting to think i was a serial killer,
in my past incarnation.
nothing else would explain the strange string of
bad luck that i had in this past few days.

saturday night, i was playing a drinking game called high-low.
very simple game,
you guess whether the next card dealt,
would be higher or lower than the last card dealt.
if you are right three times, then you pass the deck to the next victim.
i was wrong,
i swear,
206654815 times in a row.
if i was dealt an ace,
id say "lower" (the obvious choice)
and i'd get another ace.
i'd get a two,
i'd say "higher!"
and get another two.
it was pathetic,
and also prophetic.
now that i think back,
the sense of foreboding began with that game.

needless to say,
after losing several times at the above mentioned drinking game,
sunday was pretty harsh to my bloodshot eyes.

monday, was the first day of the new semester.
it was also the day i had the Dr. appt,
(scheduled in 400 b.c.)
of course it took 2 hours to see the Dr. for twenty minutes-
and i missed my first class.
while i waited i waved at cute babies,
and made faces at the toddlers.
and felt i was surrounded by an enormous biological clock.
the ticking reminded me that i am not getting any younger...
this is not a pleasant thought.

when i arrived on campus
i went though a whole thirty minutes of:
what am i doing here?
why did i wait so damn long to make a life for myself?
why do all these chicks seem hotter than me?
i watched all the 19 year old hotties hanging out at campus,
and felt continually depressed...

but after the ADD kicked in i was fine.
(for a time)

as i said, i missed my history class, so no reports there.
my Psyc class will be cool, i think.
the prof says "man" a lot..
as in "get with it, man!"
i like him.

the speech class i am taking seems pretty flaky.
(how serious can a honors speech class be?)
but it requires a lot of out-of-class participation.
one thing that gets on my nerves,
are classes that listed in the course schedule that are, say monday & wed. classes,
that have "extra-curricular activities" on friday.
(not the fun extra-curricular activities, either...)
damnit it took the M/W classes because i wanted fridays off!

and then there was math class.
if you have read this blog at all,
or know me but an inking,
then you can understand how shitty this class went.
at first i was lulled into a false sense of security.
the instructor was a grandfatherly sweet kindof guy.
"could'ja speak up a bit deary?"
he called me melissa for a while, and then michelle,
(neither of which is even close..)
and then.....
(drumrolllllll)
he gave a test.
which (although a "pre-test,)
still counted toward the grade you got in the class.
well, of course i bombed it.
i haven't had a math class since 1995.
AND i have test anxiety.
i got 8 right out of 20.
according to my math calculations that is a 75 right??
(kidding!)

that was pretty damn discouraging.

after that, i was waiting to pick up the bus home when i got a voicemail.
its' my new job calling.
they have bad news-
apparently,
the two people that interviewed me,
neglected to notice my available days to work.
it seems that the position i was taking over,
included both monday and wed. shifts.
so sorry,
a regrettable oversight,
they can't hire me after all.

what the fuck people?
were they too busy reading my fictional embarrassing moment,
that they forgot to look at my availability???
and even though they had already given me a schedule.

bad luck indeed.

(thanx to all those that celebrated the occasion of my new appointment,
if you want you drink money back,
go to the hickory and demand repayment.)

today was my wed. portion of classes.
guess what?
the math class had 6 newcomers.
according to my prof,
that means ANOTHER MATH TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i ask him:
so for those of us that made it the first day (and tested)
which one will go towards your grading scale??
to which he replies, "both, most likely."
wonderful.

just shoot me now.




8.19.2004

hypnotism without subtlety

all your friends are doing it.
it'll make you cool.
all the celebs are talking.
act now, and we'll throw in these lovely earrings!


you want to sign the guestbook
you know you do.....

jobs, lies, and confections

so i got a job! Taa daaa!
yes, yes, thank you,
you may be seated.

my new position will be more lucrative than the last.
i haven't started yet,
but the place is an austin fixture-never a dead shift, im sure.

my new place of employ just happens to be
the one that wanted to know my most embarrasing moment.

i had invented a bit of fluff-
about my skirt tucked into my underwear and being oblivious to it
for part of a waitressing shift.
(pretty standard har har embarrassment)

those who know me
will laugh at the idea of wearing a skirt. to work.

after writing this complete fabrication i added:
"...now that i have humiliated myself for your reading pleasure,
feel free to grant me the opportunity of an interview"
and they did.
thankfully they didn't quiz me on my little fiction.

anyway, i get my new schedule tomorrow.
and school is starting on monday,
along with the bookstore job.
the next two weeks are going to be hectic,
but i actually am looking forward to it.
believe it or not,
i am bored to tears with a week of
no school,
no work,
and the result of the latter,
no income.

just ask the empty pints of ice cream i decimated in past few days.
it's funny, that...
considering i really don't care for sweet stuff.
(could it be because im bored out of my ever loving mind??)

usually by this time before a semester
i have all my textbooks and paper etc.
ready to go.
but those student loan people are evil.
waiting a week or more until after classes start to send book money seems pretty stupid.
if you ask me,
it puts the financial aid students at a disadvantage,
a step behind the credit card carriers.

but then again, no one asked me.

the tally of my book cost for twelve credit hours
is $317.00.
the last two semesters were worse,
i almost feel like i am getting off lucky.
almost.

not much can be done, so
i think i'll go count some change,
and get some ice cream.




8.17.2004

oh-one more thing

please sign my new guestbook, located under the links section on the left side bar.
(please????)

from the pavement, with love

i have been technically unemployed for less than a week now.
i swear i am not panicking.
yet.
i have applied at six different bar/grillesque type places,
with a minimum of luck.
i did secure a temp job at the bookstore on campus.
i worked there last semester, and with the pay+ book discount,
i can pay for about half of my texts.
(gee.. i wonder why college enrollment has dropped...)
my friend who still works at the old place says business has been ok(ish).
they hired a really hot bartender.
and started actually advertising (!) in the campus paper.
she got to be in the picture.

fuck all.

i am starting to question if i made the right decision...
but there is no going back regardless.
i am not about to grovel to get my borg filled job back.
i'd rather work for Wal-"putting small business america out of work," Mart.
or for Home"buy everything for twice the price"Depot.
i think i am only miffed because i want my picture in the paper..

bitch.

anyway,
this is a strange city to put in applications.
they try to be funny and make the app more "personable"
at one well known bar, the app has this question:

What is your required salary?:
[] minimum wage
[] love and approval
[] other_____________


I checked the first two.
waitstaff minimum wage is $2.13 an hour,
i'll take the love and approval too, as long as they're offering.

another had this question:

When can you start?
[] immediately
[] never
[] other__________

well what idiot would pick anything other than "immediately"!
me, for one.
in the "other" space, i put
"as soon as you start paying me."


another place requested that you draw a picture of what working there-
would mean to you.
aww....
so sensitive and progressive!
sorry i forgot my crayons,
i'm trying to find a job, not enroll in daycare.

(people,
if i have to draw a freaking picture to get a job serving beer,
there is something really wrong with this world. )

today i applied at a place that had a very simple-and-to-the-point application.
which i usually prefer. (no crayons needed...)
then they screwed it all up.
at the very bottom it read:

"On the back of this page , in 1000 words or less, tell us about the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you."

no lie. this is exactly what is says.
is this a stumper or what?
is there anything i can say in response to this?
(that will still get me the job???)
"uh, the time i got wasted and (insert random humiliating stupidity)"
give me a break!
not only is this kind of thing obnoxious, it is rampant.

"What's your favorite song?"
or
"Discuss in detail the last three movies you have seen..."
and the old standby:
"Describe in words or pictures what you can bring to wherever bar and grill."
it goes on.

For each of these places i go,
i am spending 30-40 min to apply for a
2 dollar,
13 cent
per hour job.
this does not include travel time folks,
so damned if i am not filling them out while i am there.
so when i get the flower power b.s. applications like those mentioned above,
i typically make up something benign and mildly humorous,
and hope that if they call me back- i won't forget what crap i told them.

i am a prime example why employers should not ask cheesy questions on their apps.

if it were me, i would just talk to people.
what a concept!
but if for some unknown reason you have to ask silly application questions
(what reason?!)
ask good ones:

"describe what you learned in prison.."
or
"whoz your baby's momma (or daddy?)"
or
"whats that thing on your face?"

that at least would be an application to laugh about.
and if you actually got a serious response,
rip up the app.
simple!

more pounding the street tomorrow...

(maybe i should bring fingerpaints.)







8.14.2004

Friday the 13th ex-co-worker party!



random weird picture. i like when i really have no idea whats going on around me.


waitress? theres a fly in my drink!


CW, J and MW watching the drowning of an alcoholic fly.

a moment after this shot was taken, MW plucked the fly to safety and then screamed "spit it out you bastard! i paid for that beer!"


bird flippin party?



livestrong and lonestar, interesting mix....

at some functions the middle finger usage is a no-no.

well not here pal



CJ doing the difficult "cigarette hangs from lip" trick, JB and R looking cute as always, and of course the ever present middle finger. (whose exactly? beats me.)



more middle fingers!
fuckin' a, man!



wrong finger, AJ.. pointing is so rude.




MW just waiting to serve his famous knucle sandwich, or getting ready to eat it. who knows.



CJ was obviously VERY upset by the lack of red bull, the man could barely drink his screwdrivers. poor guy.




it would be a nice shot if that chick on the bottom left didn't look like such a freak


8.13.2004

progress?

hey ya'll
i updated my profile,
because i am waiting on something interesting to post.
so check out the new info to the left.
tonight is the liberated bar workers party...
details to follow

8.11.2004

all good things must come to an end....

win some, lose some, thats what i always say.
ok, so i'm not sure i have ever actually said that, but it would be appropriate.

i am abandoning the borg bar.
as are most of the other humans.
the human manager, myself, 2 waitpersons, and a bartender are all done with the place.
it will be interesting to see how the place runs without it's entire night crew.
the other day we had an employee meeting, during which every person who attended,
wished they hadn't.
later that night, after all the borgs went home,
we closed the bar down two hours early,
took our beer money elsewhere, and proceeded to get extremely intoxicated.

last night we had our own impromtu meeting.
it was easy since the employees outnumbered the customers.
i told everyone that i had just submitted my 2 week notice,
BP said she had done the same.
JB said he wanted to be gone by saturday.
AJ said he didn't want to stay either.
R? said this was her last week too.
i think once everyone realized that 5 out of 8 of the night crew were leaving,
well hell with it lets just all go now!
there was talk of a big walkout, but since there is not a night that we all work together-
it would be kinda silly.
somewhere along the way we just decided that we just would simply not go back.

the remaining employees are:
one bartender, a recently demoted cook, the dayshift waitress, and three new waitresses.
they are not so happy about it,
but they understand.
or if they don't, they will, very soon.

it is sad too.
we have all put so much into making this work.
i hope one of the old owners opens another bar,
like today.
i have never worked with a better cast of characters,
never enjoyed my job so much (until recently obviously..)
i wish we could walk into another bar together.
"hire all of us, because we are a great team, and we have our own clientele!"

we are having a celebratory booze fest this friday night,
at another local-ish pub.
i am pretty sure we will drink them out of lonestar, cheap bourbon, and monopolowa.
the legend continues...

long live the punchy's in all of us.

8.03.2004

karma owes me. (or does it own me?)

it has been forever sinces i have posted.
unfortunately it is because i am having a hard time being funny,
or even slightly interesting lately.
i am stressing a lot about everything it seems.
how interesting it is that when it rains,
it fucking floods.

category 1: work
our fearless leader, the human boss
(yes really!)
has left us afloat in a sea of borg-like supervisors.
they all were hired by the borg king,
and therefore are now the only employees who count.
the human boss has left us with little hope of his return.
(but, hope is hope however faint.)
as a result all the human or humanoid employees are on the brink of a mass exodus.
so what, you say?
well our old fearless leader used to do the schedule,
guess who is doing it now?
that's right ladies and gentlemen,
yours truly.
feeling like a traitor to the human race,
i accepted the task of headwait (after they gave it to someone else and then took it back,)
and now i am in charge of a handful of righteously pissed humans, some new to this whole drama.
but what the borgs do not know is that like myself, another of the managers is actually
human.
and all hopes for the future of the federation depend on our subterfuge.
wish us good luck and godspeed.
(really, i am so dramatic sometimes...
the whole startrek metaphor could have been bypassed by simply comparing the work situation to a playground screaming match over who is really the goose among all the ducks.)

category 2: money
directly relating to the above mediocre crisis, money is tight.
i am at work more,
but making significantly less.
i think the customers can smell the undercurrent of reality tv that is stinking up the place.
the waitstaff is surly (more than usual,)
and the new people are entering a hostile workplace.
the new menu lists about a thousand things we don't have,
and the food is completely inconsistent.
patrons hate inconsistency-
why do you think chain stores are so popular?
(maybe the customers are borgs too!)
human or not, they aren't coming in as much.
(disclaimer: to those who still come in to drink their poison of choice, we appreciate and admire your bravery in light of the borg infestation. we should all hope to display such courage)
and with paltry sales comes the other ugly twin, paltry tips.
not to mention i have too many people on the floor for training.
more people working + less people coming in=less money for all.
in addition, school is starting at the end of this month.
i was seriously looking forward to the loan disbursement to tide me over.
well,
sorrrie.
disbursement dates have changed.
no money is given out until after the semester is in session.
what the hell sense does that make??
it is my money after all.
well, eventually i will default on paying it back, right?

category 3: the return of the psycho
amid all the aforementioned pleasantry,
i get a call from the DA's office friday afternoon.
"uh yeah, we are gonna be going to trial on monday, maybe."
to which i tactfully reply:
"WHAT?!?!? that is all the notice you can give me? after over a year of waiting for ya'll to get your shit together?"
(saying it was tactful reply is called sarcasm. say it with me: sar-cas-m. very good.)
beautiful timing, man. christ.
for those of you who aren't privy to the happenings of my life prior to this blog,
i have a bonafide psycho stalker.
lucky me.
without going into all the gruesome details,
(that will be next week)
the stalker is still incarcerated and awaiting trial.
he has been offered a few plea bargains,
(that is an offer to plead guilty to a lesser charge than the felony stalking charge.
the state hates to pay for trials and would rather let the psycho go with a measly misdemeanors)
but he does not take the plea bargain, because he won't admit to doing anything wrong.
the guy is completely delusional.
for example: after being put away for stalking me, he continues to write me letters from jail.
smart.
and the prison still lets him.
am i the only one that sees the absurdity here?
so anyway...
i tell the DA that "monday, maybe" is a tad vague.
he says he wont know for sure until the day in question.
obviously this is category of problem directly conflicts with the work category.
so now i get to explain to the borg chiefs that, thanks for the "promotion" and all, um i may need to schedule myself out next week because of court.
you gonna go to jail?
no.
oh.
i can see the confusion this causes the borg community,
so i get to explain the stalker thing to them.
lucky me.
again.

men, borg or otherwise, never seem to believe me about the stalker thing.
it is really annoying.
my inner monologue always freaks out when i see the look of doubt when this topic arises:
who made you judge and jury, asshole?
you don't know me.
you weren't fucking there.
and it isn't even any of your fucking business anyway,
fucker!
it is sad how often this happens.
now i know kobe bryant's accuser feels.

anyhoo,
i call the DA bright and early monday morning.
still no news.
2:30 comes and goes and still no word.
i call again.
"oh sorry that i didn't call you back. looks like it will be next week afterall,
maybe"
aaaarrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhh!
the world had been overrun with borgs!

category 4: newton's law of motion #3
with all this crap going on there has been equal and opposite reactions to my (already fragile) state of being.
i have a constant pain in my stomach,
ulcer anyone?
more headaches,
and various other physical symtoms i don't want to go into.
i made a Dr appt,
but they were so booked that i get to wait till the end of this month to go,
which is also the same day school starts
(borgs)
of course i have no money to pay them,
(student loan borgs)
and for all i know i will be in the middle of trial,
dredging up last year's misery in front of a bunch of suit and tie types,
(bureaucratic borgs)
a jury,
(some with that doubtful look i'll bet.)
and the stalker himself.
joy.
it doesn't get any better than this folks.

since i haven't been feeling well,
and i'm stressed,
i do what rational people do.
get wasted drunk.
as a result, (damn newton)
i seem to have abandoned the sensor (censor?) in my brain that tells me to shuttup.
lately i have developed this bad habit of telling people exactly what i think-
what i think isn't always pretty (as if you couldn't tell.)
so if you want to know what i really think of you,
just buy me a drink.