i was finally able to add a side bar containing the links that i thought everyone would find interesting.
props to captain apathy for his help. (couldn't of done it without you man!)
to view these fascinating new additions to the fringe,
just scroll down the left side of the page to where it says-
check out these links.
you won't be disappointed.


so sue me

yeah yeah yeah,
i know its been a few days since i last posted.
i installed a new operating system on the ol' frankenputer,
and am still working out some kinks.
also i am attempting some html stuff that i am completely new to.
see? all for you my loyal readers
(all two of you)
promise to post again soon


pre weekend despondency

another day, another shower.
sometimes in the "morning" (my term for whenever i get up)
i dread getting into the shower.
does this happen to anyone else?
it is as if the shower is sucking away precious time.
"i just did this yesterday!"
perhaps it is this way because i am tiring of the routine.
get up,
let dog out,
check email,
drink coffee,
let dog back in,
take shower, (soak, shampoo, shave, conditioner, rinse)
dress for work, (black tank, jeans, docs)
apply makeup that will disappear after an hour of work,
check email again,
eat, or type blog,
go to work,
run around like a madwoman for a few hours,
smoke cigarettes, drink beer, converse,
go home,
drink more beer,
stay up too late,
finally go to sleep.


janis joplin once said "...it's all the same fucking day, man..."

you said it janis.


loathe thy neighbor..

i had finally gotten used to the old neighbors.
they were a couple with two dogs, a border collie and a sweet little ankle-biter.
the collie and my dog didn't always see eye to eye, but the ankle-biter and my dog had a bond.
the people they owned were a bit on the boring side, although very personable.
they sold their house.

to people who cut down all the vegetation on their side of the property
and along our fence line.
with three dogs,
one obnoxiously yappy,
one sweet,
and one just downright mean.

i have to chaperone my dog into the yard, the mean dog looks like he is about to come over the fence and take a chunk out of him.
my dog plays it cool,
lifting his leg on our side of the chain link fence-
peeing directly on the frothing, growling, fanged, beast.

the yappy one is worse.
i can't go out and have a cigarette without inadvertently waking the entire neighborhood.
and the motorcycle?
forget it.
i may as well live in a dog pound.

the people of the family equally suck.
as i mentioned, there is no longer the lush green illusion of privacy between our yards.
that green "fence" often provided enough of a buffer between us and the old boarders,
that we could forsake the polite hellos, and how are yous,
when we were respectivly outside and not wanting to be bothered.
not now.
the mr. of the house,
after destroying various wildlife habitats by ripping out trees,
is now constantly in the yard doing something...
(doesn't this guy have a job??)
i am tempted to ask him to help develop a schedule where i can enjoy my yard, and he can run a chainsaw, rip up the deck, blast country music,
say i get sun, mon and wed?
he can have tues, thurs, fri and sat???? pleeze???
i have altogether given up on the idea of a tan this summer.
i really don't feel comfortable laying out in my yard when he is over there.
that see through metal fence doesn't provide enough cover for me.

apparently the mrs. of the house has no such problems.
her rotund form was doing a yoga routine that brought to mind the death of a beached whale.
how come she can roll around imitating a gran mal seizure,
when i am not comfortable baking my flesh in my own (fairly expensive) backyard?

i told the Bf that he shoud belch, scratch his ass, and pee alot outside, in order to offend the offensive couple enough to put up a privacy fence.



well shit...

i had an anon comment politely letting me know that my posts have become somewhat irregular in their appearance.
sorry to those who are fans.
i have run into the limitations that accompany free web sites, in that i have been trying to add interesting links to the site, and i can't place them where i want to.
so, i tried to set up a new site elsewhere, and ran into the same problems.
i am telling you this in order to justify my slow posting habits. (it was with you all in mind!)
until i come up with a good name for my web site, i am stymied.
any suggestions?
i have to buy a domain name and i want it to be a good one, that isn't already taken.

last night i sat staring at my monitor until the wee hours of the morning,
coming up with all this amusing stuff you might like.
to drunk to type, (well)
i forgot it all.
it seem that i am equally blessed with writing ability-
as i am cursed with poor memory.
so be it.

lately i have been putting pressure on myself to write more.
as a result i am suffering from writer's block.

i suppose that some things in life,
typically those that make the most interesting topics-
are the most difficult to share.

every one has the friends that are listeners..
the people that you tell everything to.
i have a few. one for each topic:
one to bitch about men with,
one to bitch about women with,
one to bitch about work with,
one to gossip with,
one to talk about books with,
one to discuss depression with, and
there is always the "kiss and tell" friend, of course.
the problem is that two of my "listeners" are locked up right now.
i have no outlet, and less imput.
i can, and have, written letters, and i like letters, but they are so-
automatic, i guess.
"hi, how are you? i am fine. i am doing this and i did this and so and so went here,
love, incognito."
very one-sided.
this blog is not dissimilar, but i can read comments from those who care to join my solo conversation.
(poor dears..)

i think what i need to do is carry around my legal pads more, and just write down what strikes me, however inconvienent:
me:"hi! welcome to So & So's what can i get for you to drink?   oh wait just a sec....
(scribble scribble)
         sorry, was that a guiness and,..... and a what now?
(more frantic writing...)
         hi, welcome to so &so's......."

i can see my tips swirling down the drain.
i work with a girl like this, who has too many thoughts in her brain to focus on, well, pretty much anything.
sometimes i wonder exactly what has taken up so much attention that she forgets so much, and so often.
maybe she is on a 7 sec. delay, and the instant she begins a new task, she remembers the old one.
this kind of thing is usually indicative of a person who absorbs much more than you or i,
but absorbing doesn't neccesarily mean retaining.
i hope ADHD isn't contagious,
because i have been experiencing some symptoms.....

(as if you couldn't tell)



i am so burnt out lately.
i am getting no sleep.
summer is fully upon us.
my recess is almost over-
 i registered for class yesterday
spch..easy, i hope, knowing how much i can talk.
and.... drumroolllllllllll......
 developmental math
 for christ's sake! ...
how is it that i can't get math?!?!? i blame it on my 4th grade math teacher. he was such a turd.   but if you have been reading for the duration,
i did study,
 i just decided i most likely would benefit from taking the class then cramming for the test i failed last year by six points.  
 fucking math.  
 i can measure angles and figure whatever conjugation you can think of,
as long as this isnt involved:  
x+y/v(7+4+$/3-*$*&xoxo)=html (or fucking whatever! )
 am i just stupid or what?       
(don't answer that.) 



about a year ago, my mother recounted a dream she had, where she bumped into a girl
she knew from high school.
typical to dreams, though, her waking self didn't recognize the girl in the dream.
the dream girl told my mother that she was always impressed by my mom's amazing artwork,
and does she still paint?
to which my mother replied, "oh, well i don't really do that stuff anymore."
in my interpretation the dream was telling my mom something.
the girl she didn't recognize was probably herself-
maybe the self that loved creating art, the self that my mom left behind.
the conversation left me sad for the unfamiliar face in the dream,
an abandoned personality voicing her unhappiness over being kept quiet for so long.
to think of how many unrecognizable girls that used to be me...

today sucks

i hate today
can we just move on to tomorrow?

would you like fries with that?

late night drive thru...
at night, my mind is like a fast food restaurant.
it spits out ideas, nervous conversations, and bad dreams.
and it has served over a billion of them.
i came up with all these crazy, but seriously considerable
a billion stories ,
a trillion interesting topics,
with no one to convey them to.
so instead I stare at the ceiling. 
and damned,
 if I can’t remember my brilliant innovations the next day. 
sometimes I wonder who is really running the show. (?)


incognito reporting live...

i want to write like the guys at the slam.
there is some need to practice,
just to get used to the keys and the mind to finger effectually on that which is the keyboard.
i have never understood the people who can type without watching where their fingers were.
then again, I never was much of a typist.
im insanely jealous of the poets on slam night.
they are theatrical and intelligent and sensible and beautiful
in giving me the right of audience to their emotions
though they know me not,
i hear their pain, their memories, their embarrassing dates, and their first loves.
poetry is the rawest of all the freedoms of expression.
art can give you the disguise of metaphor or color.
novels and movies give the illusion of candor, hidden in wit..
the hoarse voice of  reality
is the poet’s domain.
but for that reason-I shouldn’t care.
i am no poet.
i report the realities.
reality lacks style.
there is no finesse to reality.
or it wouldn’t be reality-it would be fox news.


a shining moment in a sea of monotony

i took myself to the poetry slam last night
all my friends were at work, and i wasn't, so i figured-
why not?
took the bus downtown, where i proceeded to walk in the opposite direction from where i wanted to go.
then i figured it out, turned around and walked back the way i came, feeling like an idiot
i don't think anyone noticed...
anyway, i get to the bar where they have the slam, and it is packed.
standing room only.
(which really sucks if you are 5'4)
if you have never been to one of these things, you are missing out.
no, really.
it is not a poetry reading,
where artsy types stand on stage and simper in haiku.
and it is not a beatnik thing,
with everyone in black.
its a slam. a contest.
these people get up on stage and tell their stories in rhythm.
its fascinating.
some poems are heart wrenching,
some are angry,
some lustful,
some hysterical.
the judges hold up their scores, and as the mcee reads them out,
the audience judges the judges.
if the crowd thinks the score is too low there is a collective-
ooooohhhhhhhhhh groan!
its fun.
MP and TK tried to meet me there after work,
but the bouncer turned them away because the bar was at max capacity.
i saw them exit and was about to follow them out, but the mcee said there was to be one last poem.
a tall man in horn rim glasses and a cowboy hat took the stage.
last time i went to the slam, me and MP accidentally stole his lone seat while he was up, so i felt sneaking out during his performance would be over the top rude.
in the first round he had recited a poem of love for his girlfriend who sat in the back, her feet guarding his chair.
he told the crowd this was to be his last slam.
he was moving back to ohio to be with his girl.
after the collective cry of disappointment he began.
i shamefully admit that i wasn't paying too much attention,
wondering if MP was waiting..
in the last line he said-
"when i read this to you on the phone, you said i must be tired..."
the audience laughs.
then he unexpectedly gets off the stage.
he walks straight back to the rear of the room.
the audience is clapping for his performance,
but they suddenly fall silent as the man in the cowboy hat drops to his knee, and takes his girl's hand.
"you were right, i am tired. tired of not seeing you, tired of not waking up next to you, tired of missing you."
he takes out a ring from his shirt pocket.
"i know this isn't much, but i love you, and promise to always love you...
...will you marry me?"
the girl replies, "yes, of course"
and they kiss,
oblivious to the yelling, applause, and misty eyes that surround them.
romance still exists...i saw it with my own misty eyes.


requisite group photo

every shindig needs a group photo, except T got stuck with the camera.
(sorry dude!)
(note MP's purse..it is a fixture.)

i got 26 of these, if not more....

MP carries her purse everywhere! even while taking it upon herself to administer seriously painful birthday spanks.
really. im not kidding!

"like OMG, of course I gave her one to grow on!!"-MP

my butt hurts MP!

just wait till her birthday...hehehe


not terribly sure what is going on here.
i didnt take the picture.
maybe a multi limbed alien who liked karaoke showed up at some point?

KH and MP (again)

note KH's suspicious look and protection of the precious yellow lighter.(for some reason, no one else had one, and i have to admit many cigarrettes were smoked that evening). somehow the damn thing ended up in my purse or pocket everytime i used it. i stole that lighter about 21,412 times that night. dont ask me why.
but its ok, dont worry...
the much coveted yellow lighter went home with its rightful owner.


really not to sure whats going on here...

rock god!




Online Classes

more pics

KH in an intese phone conversation. no really he always tries to look that intense while on the phone. he thinks it looks cool.

can only send one at a time! arrrrrghhhh!

The BF, lookin all hot and stuff, giving MS a new hairdo. awww

birthday cont.

KH and MP. great shot!!!

finally! Birthday pics

this is prior to drunken debauchery

technical difficulties

for those of you looking at this site and it seems to be constantly changing:
i found a new photo site, but it needs to be edited as far as where it places the photos. so for the next few hours you will look, see posts, and then they might be gone or in a different place. hang in there...it will be OK, i promise. i will delete this post when the pictures are in the place i want them to be.
for those of you interested in hosting your own blog do not, i repeat, do not use "hello" because it is stupid. use this instead:
for your photo uploading needs.
more to follow!


wonders of modern technology part 2

if you are a regular reader then you would have already seen part one.
although i doubt you are.....
if you dont know part one, then part two is equally as boring
dont read either one.

i email the "hello" program site, as i told you and they again erase my existing account. after so many swings at this program i email the blog site and say this:

From: incognito
Subject: Hello is useless
Date: Wed, 7 Jul 2004 19:14:02 -0700 (PDT)

the upload program, Hello, is absolutely ridiculous. i have had a few
different user names (4!) and each one starts off working, and then on
next visit it asks me for email verification, and never sends the
or sometimes the name and password fields are greyed out. i contacted
their support and they didnt offer any solution except for clearing the
email and starting over, losing the saved pictures each time. on the
forums on hello's site you can find that many users are having such
difficulties. i havent been able to post pictures to my site for days,
i havent been able to post for days. not much of a weblog in that case,
PLEASE find a service that actually provided the service it offers.

(Pretty reasonable right?)

and they reply:

Hi there,(hi there???? not even personalized!)

Unfortunately, we do not provide support for Hello. Please visit
http://blahblahblah.plp for further assistance with this

etc etc

So to which i replied:
no shit? so then offer me another option. (please note that i had already mention i had contacted hello support..)

i go through this computer generated crap all day, everyday lately.
i need a computer to make sure my bank isnt screwing me, seriously.
my bank withdrew 60 bucks of "courtesy fees" last week. no i didnt overdraft, i called, indignant like, it seems their mainframe had a slight "glitch"
i wonder how often this happened before the internet...
then i went to my employer's bank to cash my paycheck, and not only am i fingerprinted, but they charged me five bucks to cash a check drawn on the same bank!
am i the only person who hasnt quite gotten used to paying money to get your OWN money???
i could have gone to cash my check for 70 cents at a gas station for god's sake! And the ATMs are just as bad. the bank charges me a buck and the ATM (MAC to the northerners) charges me a buck fifty. so to take out 20 bucks may as well count as 25.
with the seven cents a year i get for interest, it is better to bury money in a coffee can in the yard!
if you have alot of money then bank savings, iras', CD's-it's all you.
but if you are me? banks are just places you go to cash your checks...if that.
going on with the computer generated annoyance...
i hate talking to the fake person when you call somewhere:
"hi im irene, your automated assistant!-
Please say if you want billing, service, or new orders!"
i say,
oh forget it.


birthday madness

i promise to post b-day pics when(if)they become available. (see below post)
it was lots of fun, even though we decided to get together at my work.
MP and her man were there, as was my good friend KH and his friend. The BF came by after work, and of course my work crew was there, some working, some not. i might have paid for two drinks all night, and i think they were the BF's. my friends bought me a drink or two each, the bartender (MS!) bought me a few. my work friends kept buying me shots, and the regulars who were out on the patio got me a few rounds. the interesting part was that i think i was the least drunk at the end of the night, with possibly the exception of A? who just got off of work. one friend in particular, who said she wasnt going to drink much, (you know who you are!) decided at one point that she would be responsible for birthday spanking. although i had vetoed this idea earlier in the night, she ignored me and, damn she hits hard! its ok i teased her mercilessly the next day. at least no one sang. happy birthday that is, BF did a karaoke rendition of a guns-n-roses tune. it wasnt karaoke night, but that didnt seem to bother anyone. i lost some pool games, as usual, and smoked more cigarettes then i thought possible.
we left before last call, (we have some dignity!) and met up at my place where the party continued, for some of us, ahem. then i kicked everbody out because i didnt want to embarrass myself further by falling over.
it wasnt a big bash or anything, but it was cool to hang out with all my (texas) friends in one day.
CM in cali sent me a cute ecard, (who i have yet to email, sorry CM! i promise to get in touch soon)as did my mom who also donated funding to the broke "incognito" fund (thanks mom!!!)
to those of you that forgot, its ok i probably forget yours too.

the wonders of modern technology

well i havent posted in a few days because i wanted to put up some pictures from my birthday get together, and the photo uploading program this site uses is completely useless.
here is the process i have to go through to show you my pictures:
1)upload the photos from the digital camera to BF's computer be cause the cameras software is on his PC
2)save said pictures
3)run the stupid "hello" program so i can transfer the pics to my computer via internet (i'd save them to photodiscs but my drive cant read them)
4)open the stupid program on my computer
5)transfer the pictures by file name one by one (talk about tedious)
6)transfer the pics from my "hello" account to the blog
7)the blog wont let me publish the pictures within the text so, i then edit the newly posted picture and copy the html
8)delete the picture from the place it was automatically put by "hello"
9)edit my draft by placing the pic's html code within the text where i want the pictures to be on the final post.

mind you this process is for one pic. if that isn't bad enough, the "hello" program itself is screwed up, so most of the time i cant log into it under my username for my computer, or BF's username on his, or both. very frustrating. but this blog site only uses the "hello" program so my options are:
get a new hard drive, (involving detailed setup on my old PC)
get a new blog site, (losing all text and photos i have here)
throw the towel in, (losing my loyal reader following) (ha!)
scream and rant at my computer,(most likely the option i will choose)



vacation cont.

Day three we woke up late
and checked out the birdwatching board walk
we had the place to ourselves for a while, which was cool. on the path going into the marsh we encountered this:

scary! Posted by Hello

as you can see we were a bit nervous.
well i was and BF was hamming it up for the camera...
so we figured hell-forget the birds, we were going alligator watching!

waiting for the elusive blue figit Posted by Hello

we didnt see any.
we saw a few birds, egrets, one little guy with red dots on his wings, and a lot of pelicans.
pelicans are such throwbacks.
they look like something from jurassic park.
and they are camera shy.

then we chilled at the beach for a little while
and we went surfing...

not. Posted by Hello
when we got back to the motel, BF was struck with the notion of staying another day, i said, hell-lets just not go back! (i always say that) we made a few calls and found out that the weather in the city was bad anyway and the forcast for day four was bleak, but the day after would be nice. well... you wouldnt have us riding back in the rain would you??
BF got his shift covered, mine wasnt an issue since i took a few extra days off.
excitement renewed, we were gonna stay another day!!!!
then we went to a nice dinner because i needed an excuse to wear my red platforms

note the shoes... Posted by Hello
we passed on seafood becuz BF iisnt a fan, and went to this great mexican place...it was sooooo good. they had over 60 tequilas, but we were now on a "staying-an-extra-day" budget, so we didnt partake. this outing was my first attempt at riding a motorcycle with a dress and heels. easier than you might think!
later we watched more cable
i love discovery channel!

Day four
we slept untill 2pm, hit the beach insearch of sand dollars, no luck, but we now have a ton of shells. (ok, maybe not a ton...)
then we went on a casino cruise.
(yes! another excuse to dress up!)(i'm such a dork)
here is the boat:

texas treasure Posted by Hello
we got buffet dinner with the cruise tickets, very yummy. it was strange to see how fine dining works. i felt out of place. oh well fuck it.
once we hit international waters...
let the shameless gambling begin!
we only had 40 bucks each to spend, but we decided to make it last on the quarter slots.
we started out good.
then we found out that BF is not an ocean person.
poor guy, i mean he didnt get seasick, but i could tell he didnt feel good.
but, trooper that he is he gambled to the end...
of the money that is
we didnt win squat.

boo hoo, we didnt win! Posted by Hello

what? i didnt win?? Posted by Hello

Day five
the way back was smooth sailing, hot and sunny the whole way.
i hope you enjoyed the vacation account
stay tuned for photos of my birthday get together!
till next time

havin' to get away...

Day two was awesome
we went to the beach, swam, boogie boarded, drank shots of tequila and took a bunch of pictures. the seagulls there are aptly named laughing gulls, because they sound like they're cracking up. really. everytime they laughed, i laughed. they also all face the ocean when they are on the ground, i swear i got a picture of that, but i cant find it. oh well.
it is so hard to upload pictures from this site it is ridiculous!!!

and then BF got eaten by a shark!!!

not really Posted by Hello
ok, maybe not.

this was the shark Posted by Hello
it was alot of fun, just being on the beach.
and....i wore a thong bikini!!!!!
(sorry mom)
no pictures of that though.
(audience breathes collective sigh of relief)
i felt bold enough to buy it, but really it just meant that i sat down alot when i wore it.
and sunburnt my rear pretty well.
here are some random beach shots

da beach Posted by Hello

and so on Posted by Hello

it was very cool. then we went back to the lodge and watched cable
ahhh the luxury!!!!


Vacation-all I ever wanted...

Well folks, so sorry for the delay. wished that i'd had a laptop with wireless access the whole time i was there, in order to send out a report live at the scene, so-to-speak...
We decided to stay an extra day, in order to avoid the rain on the way back...
...so thats the official story anyway.

As I relayed in my last post, there were a few discouragement before getting underway. And-it was looking very not cool for a 5 hour ride on the bike to the coast. we hadn't even got out of the city on Sunday morning when we had to stop and pull over because of heavy thunderstorms. (by the way, i think it was an isolated thunderstorm, haha) we parked at a gas station for about 45 min, wondering if we should call it off after all. the storm was low enough to see what direction it was headed, so when it went in the direction we came from, we decided to take our chances.

pre-hitting the road gas up Posted by Hello

note the luggage Posted by Hello

we had to stop a few times, and finally found a wal-mart where we picked up rain gear.
much smoother sailing from that point. (naturally)
all the rain was in the city. suckers!
outside of the city, Texas becomes a different world. we went through so many stranded towns interspersed with very beautiful country. we stopped off for gas in a town that was charmingly antiquated, that was in the middle of the "watermelon thump" festival. Don't ask me.... following is a picture of us there (if i can manage to upload it)

middle of nowhere (nixon, tx) Posted by Hello

... i think this is what my not-texan friends think of when they think of texas, but these areas of texas really remind me of PA.

yucky weather Posted by Hello

i would have liked to get more pictures of the horizon, but cameras and motorcycles are not the ideal option; instead i will describe some of it for you...
imagine that someone had sliced off the top of your car. as a passenger, I am free to look at everything my car windshield cant show me.
i can find shapes in the clouds, watch horses and their foals fun across huge ranges. you can see for miles
no, no cacti or desert.
once we got closer to the coast, i could smell the ocean.
i really love that smell, and i love the sound of surf. when i find the time to meditate or relax, the ocean is the place my mind goes.

so anyway, we had to cross a ferryboat to get to the island. it made me nervous, i was afraid that the bike would fall over. of course that didn't happen, but i still couldnt get used to the ferry even though we crossed on it a few times..

the BF had no problem with the ferry, as you can see. (note the change of weather) Posted by Hello

we had beautiful weather once we got there. we found our lodge pretty quickly. it was hard to miss. it was called "the laughing horse" and was decorated pretty crazy. it was cute

blinded by the light.... Posted by Hello

our first night there we went to a local niteclub and drank entirely to much, well, i did anyway, but we took a cab so no harm no foul-except for my headache the next day...
Day two to follow later..
i mean i do have a life other than this computer, you know...
well not really but it is my b-day!
so i will post the rest of my vacation story soon
i promise